CHALLENGES FACED BY A MOM…..

        I never knew about the deceiving challenges as I was stepping into this new endeavor .I just took it for granted that it would be the same as any other endeavor. But lo! The challenges which clustered my way was creeping slowly in my clean mind depleting it with never–ending queries.

The Herculean task of installing all the good qualities in my newly conceptualized creation was not at all easy. It was not that I never loved my new post, neither that it was forced to me but still I was in a dilemma that what should I do next?

But it was proved to be very smooth in the very beginning when my partner in love to started taking the responsibilities himself….It really feels good when you see Him working for the kid. It boosts up your motherhood and enables you to dedicate your whole time and energy for your kid…. And now there was no looking back but the boulders which  always curbed my move were....

* If your child is thin - Why don' t you feed her?

And this question always demotivates me as to why should I not feed my daughter.But if she is not gaining in weight then how am I responsible? It is not that I am eating away all her food...

*If your child says "NO" for something- You are teaching her to say "NO" for everything

Now why should I teach my child to be negative ,It was also shocking for me to hear such thing from her for the first time but again I am blamed for it.

*If your child throws tantrums than-I think you behaved the same in your childhood

Now my mother would have never seen me behaving in such a way as my child behaves but may be some basic instincts may have been repeated...But how does that signify that I had inculcated it..?

*If she argues with elders - This she has inherited from your family

But how is it possible..?it is easy to blame others and shrug off your shoulders .Specially when you blame it on another family.But how can anybody influence your child...?

All such questions I had confronted throughout a decade but never for a second did I get distracted from my new venture .And now today when it is the time to count the fruits than all come and try to claim their contribution in the child's upbringing. This demotivates you to the core .....as to if the child is soft hearted,  goodnatured , then she inherited it from our family but if she is argumentative than she had inherited it from your family. But anyhow we as mothers always face such challenges...and even successfully come out of it .....
SO, AM PROUD TO BE A MOTHER.....(dedicated to all the mothers)

SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS......love of mummy and daddy (a must read)

I always believed that Love is that binding factor which combines us into that sweet ball called family.Family can only be the barbed wire to remove the oblivion from the mind of the child. For this parents have to bury their indifference and be always in love. I always tried to maintain this aura in my family which to a greater extent worked out and till date we have a Transparent family.We always try to maintain these 'panchsattya' in our small family

* Children should see parents respecting each other - this teaches the children to respect people outside.
*Whatever be the mental situation between parents children should never be able to understand it - if they can understand,then they might become a rebel.
*A tight hug , a small kiss on the forehead always helps - children become very understanding and soft spoken.
*Sleeping together in the same bed with our kids also works out to a greater extent - they start feeling that they are very important for their parents( though this only is extended till the child is a teenager after that they should be given their  freedom).
*Lastly we should never discuss any family related problems in front of kids - this makes them feel that they are a burden for the family.

But the most important of all is that binding factor between mummy and daddy. I remember once my neighbor's Mr and Mrs Sen who was a newly wed couple had a great fight and Mrs Sen had started walking out of the house but it was then that  a patrolling policeman saw her and logged a complain against her husband and on that ground the husband had to face the music of the police.It was then that we had to intervene they being our neighbor we had to finally assured the police and bought the couple home . Not only this there were several other small fights which this newly wed neighbor always had.
All this had disturbed my teenaged daughter and she went on asking that " Why do people marry,if they have to fight?"  It was great pain to explain her and we after that decided never even to conversed in a loud tone and my husband made it a point to give me a tight hug whenever I was sad , or depressed because of work pressure and vice-versa. We always created an aura of love and respect for each other and always followed the 'PANCHSATTYA'.



This we did it for our kids .... thus I feel we should abolish all our difference and follow the PANCHSATTYA.

AM I GOOD MUMMY.....???

This have always hovered my mind since the time I conceptualized .Some questions had always baffled me ...


*Am I ready for this new endevour?
*Would I prove to be a good mother for my kids?
* How could I be a good mom when I myself couldn't make the right decision for  me?
* What values would I teach?
* How could I guide when I myself needed the guidance of my MOM?


These five questions always perplexed me as to why I am unable to decide . As I had not planned to be a mother in the initial stage , it had happened accidentally , but now what.....?
Of course I had to move ahead, I had eight months to go ,so what .,...I just had to prepare myself for the new endevour. Initially I kept talking with my mom and asking her about her parenting skills ,she helped me a lot to curb out the darkened thoughts which had aroused the dilema. I decided that first I had to remove all the subdued fears which hallucinated me and this was my start. I did it  .....I fell in love with my baby in the womb.I talked with her in my pensive mood and the happiness I gained created an aura which I feel is the binding factor of the mother and the unborn.

I was getting stronger day by day and also ready for my child .I thought that I could take care of my child without any help. But as days passed again my fears started curbing in ....Now she started going to school and her grades were not that overwhelming , I started blaming myself for the same ...It was here that I again needed my Mother for her guidance ,she like an angel always had a solution to all my problems .....So there I was .... I proved to be a good Mother (as all her teachers say till date ) and even the young mothers ask for my guiding tips for their child makes me thumbs up that finally I have proved myself......

MARRIAGE WITHOUT DATING....

I too had dreamed of this moment for so long. As a damsel always tried to be very obedient to what my mom said so was not involved with any boy-friends. I had just kept that other side of my life completely unfolded.It was in no way that I was unromantic or didn't love the company of boys but still I felt there are certain things which should be unfolded only after the bond.
I just had a pic of him and with that started dreaming of my future endevour with his pic , he on the other hand tried to meet me once before marriage  but some how my mom came to know of it and she insisted that my younger sister be with me always. So there I was going to tie the nuptial bond blindfold. There was a sense of subdued fear but only one rescue ...my fiance too had not seen me for once.
So there I was with all my subdued fears ready for a blind date .Ours was completely traditional marriage and so I first saw him when he garlanded me . I was too shy to see him directly so just was trying to peep out here and there . I looked at him publicly but made the situation too different as to i was just calling out to my sister. I saw him also staring at me but he was too direct.This was our first gaze. I was too nervous for the first night as for the first time I would be locked in a room with some male. But his was altogether a different feeling his contentment was flashing through his inward eye. Such was my blind date .
After a few days he asked me whether I was happy with him . I was surprised as to Why he was asking such a question . Those days I used to talk shyly with him but still asked "Why this question?" He too couldn't express himself and just went on asking me the same question "Are you happy with me ?" Now I thought what was wrong with him .Why was he again and again asking the same  question .I decided whatsoever be the consequence I needed to ask him ?
So that night when came to the room I very softly asked him ," Can you please tell me what made you feel that I am not happy ?" First he tried to avoid but then he said ,"If you are happy with me why don't you call my mom ?I never saw you  calling her mom you just go near her but not for a single moment you called her "Mom".Why?
Now I understood what was the reason ,actually in the beginning his mom always looked to me as my granny so it was very difficult for me to call her Mom.I just started laughing my guts out for the first time after my marriage  knowing that he cared for me so much.
But from that day hence I made it a point to call his mom specially whenever he was nearby. There were many such small issues that I had to overcome as our age gap was around a period of sixteen years and all the family members were elder to me . I took some time to get adjusted to the family but with the able guidance e of my blind date I made it possible.....

5.My New Venture......

5.MY NEW VENTURE

After around Seven years of long stay in the commercial capital I was now quite used to the challenges which every middle class citizen had to face here in this city ,I too had accepted all the facts and in this context I wanted to join hands with my partner in love to curb out the economic crunch which we were undergoing at that time.
So here I was a teacher in profession who just loved to take new challenges and once again everything was stream-lined. But one thing always troubled me that my cutee pie was all alone at home and very eagerly she waited for me to come back home. I just wanted her to be with someone and it was then that we decided for our new venture....Of course it was not very much like a venture but rather a new beginning for all of us as I too needed someone and that of course could be my baby. So it was all set that we have to make all the preparations for welcoming the new member of the family.And here too I got all the help from my seven year old cutee. She was very excited  about the very concept as to she would be getting a talking doll to play with her and here we both were happy that our cutee would get her long-awaited friend forever.
But now as parents our responsibility increased as  we had to prepare her for the new member.We had a subdued fear that whether she could adjust with her as she was already seven years a big gap to pull.
Normally it is always believed that the first child feels insecure after the arrival of the second so in such challenging situations the responsibilities lies on the parents as to how to prepare the first child . She eagerly went on waiting for her sissy.She very carefully started saving all her toys to play with her sissy.
Then when the final day came when she would get her doll she was more excited as we were frightened how could she stay without me? This was the first time I had to part from her I too didn't like it but it was she a seven year old child told me that  " Mama don't worry I am a big girl now , I will take care of myself.You just bring my little sissy home."That was what she really meant my cuteepie really grew up suddenly taking care of her father at home and here waiting for her sissy in the hospital with me .At that time none of my family members were here and in hospitals they require female members to help the nurse and whenever the nurse would shout call the female member from the house then my cuteepie would be standing and this became the talk of all the hospital nurse but I knew my doll was all set for our new member.I saw her running out to the baby room whenever any baby would be crying and tell the nurses that "Please give me my sissy in my lap she  is crying too much .If I take her in my lap she would be quite ."Her passion went on growing and she would keep standing near the baby room for hours together ....
I decided that I cannot leave my cutee alone so I decided whatever time I would be in the hospital I would be with my cutee and cutee's sissy. This was how we prepared her for the new member.

Here at home too she was always caring about her sissy helping me in all the things clubbed with all her personal work which now she managed it herself .I was really surprised to see the drastic change  in my cutee..... 

4. NEW CHALLENGES

4. NEW CHALLENGES

Now life wasn't that easy .The first few months went on only for the new set up.So many things needed for the new house .We had nothing with us and no one to help .And everything I had to go about it as my better half was busy with his new area job.For him too it was a very difficult errand as he was now working in a metropolis.The local trains had completely flushed him down but still very cutely he used  to keep all his Sundays for us. He always made it a point to spend some quality time with his daughter. These were the initial days of his job and I was just a homemaker at that time.Every Sunday we made it a habit to visit all the tourists spot of Mumbai after all who doesn't want to ....? So we saw all the main tourist spots specially the Gateway, Elephanta caves, Hanging Gardens, Kamla Nehru Park etc.etc...and was never worn out.Only we were happy to see our doll enjoying we had decided that whatever happens we will always keep our baby happy.With this vibes we would be again rejuvenated for a new week to start on.He off to work and I here trying to be a complete mom.Now this virtual image of a perfect family was in-corporated with the unrest which always kept on bubbling in my mind as to how could we cope up to the living expenses and to club it up all here in the society where we stayed ,homemakers had a bad habit of gossiping as soon as their husbands were out of the house and this I could never enjoy ,maybe because I had never seen this culture here in my mom's house....whatever was the reason I just wanted to be engaged in some work so that I didn't have to meet these petty talks. So I shared my emotions with my hubby and he very cutely understood what was clouding my mind and agreed that I should go out to work and avoid this gossips . But now the problem was what should I do ? And teaching became the best option for me as that would enable me to be near my daughter more ,so I joined as a computer in-charge in Lady Engineering School in Gamadia Street, but could not carry on for much time because I was spending more than two hours travelling so after four months I resigned and decided to be near my home as I feared to stay at home and listen to all the petty gossips.....

3. A NEW SET UP

3. A NEW SET-UP

A new place ,new people everywhere and over all a cute doll in my lap .A huge city to be unfolded and I all alone . Of course it was my decision but never thought that I would have to face all the challenges myself. My husband got transferred to the commercial capital and we came (I,my cutee pie and my hubby).We were not allotted any office quarters so we stationed at a hotel named something like 'New Bengal Lodge' this was one the cheapest hotel at that time(i.e1999). All alone there I was with my cutee pie as my hubby had to join the next day after arriving...It was a new beginning for him too ,new city ,new challenges, and new targets...I didn't want to disturb him with my subdued fears.Now I was alone in the hotel room with my daughter .She was just  15 months and alone with me in the room .The lodge had common washroom so I had to go to the washroom only when my daughter slept.Most of the time she kept on sleeping because I very cleverly used to put her milk bottle to her lips as she was about to get up so her sleep prolonged and I could finish all my washroom activities . But whole day and evening in one room locked without any window only had to talk with my daughter when she got up. My husband came back only by 6 pm all tired I too felt bad to discuss my problems which I faced here .Finally he took us out for next days fooding. I just told him can you please request the manager of the lodge to shift us to a room which had windows instead of the close packed room.He told me that those rooms were very costly and that we could not afford it right now.I understood there was no point arguing with him so just took some toys for my cutee pie .She was so happy to see the open air and people around that she did'look out for toys now.I quickly took some bread jam for our breakfast and lunch next day.This went on for three days and then finally he told me that we shifting the room as it was very unhygienic for our cuteepie. I was very happy that my daughter will see the clear blue sky and some moving objects ,Of course the problem of washroom was not yet solved . Every morning eight 'o'clock he used to go and come back by 6 pm . It was too hectic for him too.How could we hunt for a house to stay his Sunday was not going to solve our problem so I had to do something. He had one of his friend's brother staying over here I took the number from him and called him up he really helped me a lot .He came to the  hotel room had dinner with us and told he would really help us in locating a house on rent.It is very difficult to find house on rent in Mumbai but his friend's brother helped a lot he called me up after a few days that there is a house for rent somewhere after Borivalli . I told him that I would surely come to see  but of course needed my husband's permission .He directly told me that it was not possible for him I only have to decide but that I have to take care of my daughter. He really loved his daughter very much and didn't want that she should be in problem ,it was now the sixteenth day in the lodge and nothing had changed so now next morning as soon as his friend's brother called me up I locked the room and with my daughter for the first time went to the local railway station and purchased a ticket to go to the place as instructed by him . I didn't ask anyone just tried to read the indicators and got up in the train .The train had to go down and it was around 9 am so less crowded.  As instructed by him I got down in the platform with my daughter in my lap . And finally took a rickshaw and reached the destination . He showed me some houses and finally we decided on one. O course for final settlement and payment  my husband would come over on Sunday but the people were so cooperative that they told us to take the possession on that day itself.So there I was in my new set up ,finally a home after long 18 days....