2.Preparations

2.  PREPARATIONS....

The happiness of being the creator at the age of twenty one was something which I could not preconceive .It was a moment of joy, a moment of achievement ,a moment never to forget.But I as usual could not digest too much of happiness.It has always been with me ..whenever I see too much of anything I just can't control my emotions. So I again went on thinking that it was my hard work and my pain and my struggle then why all should enjoy.I in my innocence went on thinking that no one should intervene my own made world ..It is only me and my dreams that we should continue our new en-devour.With all this preconceived notions which has no explanations I didn't like the idea that anyone should come near my baby doll.I became too possessive about her .And as I already told you mine was a very big family so everyone wanted to express their love but I tried to avoid everyone except a few.I just thought she was my creation and all the decision should be mine.Why could no one understand that I would never want to kill my own conceptualization. Why all the time I was being asked to prove that whether I am a good creator??Though now I know that it was all very useless questions and mind blocks but still at that time I could never pacify my mind that all could also love my daughter.In the course of time I developed a unique bond with my cutee pie. I started conversing with her and she with her cute eyes and loving hands started  responding to me and it was from that day that I thought my daughter would be my best friend .The friendship which we two started at her prime age of just one month is still culminating till date .We two never hide anything from each other.Whenever her dad used to leave me alone and go to his outstation work for weeks together I just loved to spend time with my cutee pie.We both had our own world I loved to do small small things for her and whenever I was depressed her cute hands would fondle me and all my pent up thoughts would just evaporate.My behaviour might have disturbed many at that time but nobody reacted much they thought it was better to leave me alone.So there I was with my dreams.......

1.The Bond...

1.  THE BOND.....

I still can't express how I felt when I got the news that I will be conceptualizing the cutest dream which every damsel crave for.Though at the initial stage I always thought that it was a joint venture but as the days passed by I could not see the bonding with my better half so had to do something about it.I know now when I think over it ...I just feel so stupid about my mental situation which was simply clouded by some weird idea that why should I only be responsible ??I never felt that closeness which I craved for .I always had dreamed of a cute family like any other commoners....I my hubby and my kids.But this was somewhere disappearing under the able hands of a very big Family.There was too much of love everywhere but not my love I just started feeling suffocated with the extreme droplets of love which was now overpowering. Here on one hand my dream figure and on the other hand my cutest dream was conceptualizing...I was going boggles up with my dreams and my reality.Then I very innocently I thought that I would again get my space in my hubby's life if I am sick and also went up to the extent of being hospitalized so now guess what ....I was with my dreams.He was caring for me and spending time with me....his tension his worries for me made me feel that he was now maturing for the upcoming responsibilities. I overlooked the tension he was going through...I was just happy that he was with me and my dreams...I was in the intuition that my palace was built . And finally when the day comes for materializing the dream there too I was bewildered by the thought that I had to be separated from my dreams I literally took promise from him that he should not leave me alone for a second and he too quickly confirmed to it.He was in those days a regular smoker but in the hospital when he saw that I was allergic to smoke he stopped smoking.....Can you believe....???He left smoking for me and my Cutee pie....I just couldn't judge what type of person He was....on one hand he tried to push the responsibilities on his family without understanding that I just needed him....I don't know how but whenever he was near me I was never sick and just felt very secured and healthy.